Fin de semana...

Compilation of the weekend: going out of home only for ten minutes early on Saturday to the post, to pick up my new paint easel (which I had to take back in my car driving with one open door, completely open, luckily I live close to the post), almost two pictures finished and a lot of AC DC ... Really a lot... The truth is that I cannot paint when I do not listen to the music, and I find AC DC specially inspiring... For whatever the reason...

Reflexion after such a weekend: I am lost... As lost as a person having all can be... Do you know what is it to have everything you need in life but really having nothing that really matters to you? Having reached what you thought you wanted, after such big efforts and hard work, when you realize that you do not care about anything of that? But you do not know what is actually missing... Everything? Maybe I am simply tired... I even changed my life 180 degrees, came to live to another country to look for... What? Inspiration? Happiness? Joy? ... What?... If only I knew...

And how do you share these thoughts with anyone? Too deep I guess for anyone to understand or to even care... Much too complicated stuff that makes me not funny at all, and so difficult to find anyone that really cares about you and about what happens to you... So difficult to find someone who is just there to listen to you and to whom you would undress your soul... Definitely too difficult for me...

So this is the reason why I paint, I write, I need to just take out what is inside of me to be able to go on and pretend I enjoy a normal and superficial life... But the truth is that I am lost... Like the song... Not yet found what I am looking for...but... will I ever do?

A sad day...

A new post having really not so much to say, but really having the need to write… Today was not a good day, as it may have been for a lot of people most probably having many more (and stronger) reasons for that. In my case, it’s only been a kind of sad day, even with sun shining which is not so common in Switzerland, but still kind of grey... Whenever this happens, I have always the option of sitting in a corner, feeling sorry for myself, or doing something that makes me feel better: writing… 

Voilà! If somebody is reading this (which I seriously doubt), you are now assured to be reading something meaning nothing but a therapy for someone who has had a bad day…

When you continue reading (after the first lines, if I were you, I would have already stopped) I can tell you that earlier today, when driving my car to the office, I started thinking on the weird things that I usually do, those weird habits that we hardly confess and that make each one of us quite unique.

First thing (and obvious) of the list: I need to drive with no shoes… I simply cannot drive properly with shoes though I really love driving and speed (this should be the object of another post, as I literally get transformed in the car, and to the most pure style Doctor Jekyll and Mr Hyde, honestly from a shy and sweet woman to a kind of truck driver with the arms full of tattoos and singing out loud Metallica songs; you get the picture)…

I went further and started thinking on my personal life: I communicate much better with my dog than with most of the human beings… And by better I mean deeper: I am (on the surface) one of the most sociable (shy, but still sociable) people in this world, but this is only some outside layer… The real truth is that I hardly ever tell anything to anyone: I am really an expert for that… I guess I do not trust people so much, or I do not have anyone I would trust so much to the point of telling my internal thoughts… The most important or difficult things that have happened in my life I have told no one! No one! Well, except for my dog… Funny, isn’t it? We all need a friend at least, someone to trust fully and to know that he or she will not betray or judge us. In my case, this is so hard: if I find somebody I like or I would trust (usually this is sooooo rare) I always get to that stage where I am so sensitive that I feel hurt by an insignificant detail that gives me the reason not to go further… I guess my instinct tells me to protect myself… Funny again, because in days like this, a friend would do me so good…

I could not go much further on the thinking because I live close to the office so I had not a lot of time to think more... Still, these are daily things that would interest nobody, but still needed to tell and write them… There is a film of (who else?) Woody Allen, To Rome with Love, in which Roberto Benigni plays the role of a standard person having a standard life about which nobody cares who suddenly becomes famous (the reasons are not given in the film) and his daily little things, those so trivial to matter anybody, appear in the press, seconds after he has done or said them, just that he likes brushing his teeth before combing his hair or any other stupid detail… Again, a portrait of human nature, so true and so ridiculous at the same time… While I was thinking on those daily habits making me weird I started thinking on that... Who cares if I drive without shoes? And who cares if I transform in the car? Nobody! Maybe if I would be someone famous this would be a topic, but as I am not and I think I will never be, who cares of those little things? Ridiculous…

Not to mention that I started watching and following Mr Allen at a very, very early age when I should have been following Harrison Ford and Indiana Jones… This would certainly be a topic if one day I become famous...

Anyway, it was a sad day today…